Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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