just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
