Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
