Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize