I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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