I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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