Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
