saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
