My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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