We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
