Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
