Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
