I met the friendliest cop last night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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