So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
