Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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