Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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