He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
