VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
