I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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