So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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