I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
