i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My pussy is not your playground.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
