I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize