On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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