I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
