She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
