handjob tips. give me some.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
