I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
