You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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