I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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