Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just pynch a tree in the face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
