He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
