we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
