So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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