her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
