i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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