I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
