Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
