SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
