so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
