I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
