The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
