It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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