no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
