I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize