I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
