she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
