True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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