going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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