He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
