The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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