oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
