on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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