I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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