He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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