I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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