i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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