we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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