remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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