Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
