i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
