His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
