Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
