I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize