I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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