Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
