Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
