I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
