): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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