JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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