I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
