Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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