Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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