Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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