i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
