the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
