I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
