he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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