What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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