apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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