No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize