One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
