dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
