There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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