he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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