I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
