dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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