just come out here and I will go home with you...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
