My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
