I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize