Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
