i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
