Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You made out with two different species that night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize