Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
