break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
