I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
