omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So vagazzling was a success
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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