i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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