I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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