So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
